She is bossy; he is not exactly submissive. She is stubborn; he is not exactly complacent. They are loud and they argue all the time. He puts up a good fight, but she always wins. Its fun to observe them, this couple I know.
We are having a conversation about domestic violence, about a woman who decided to leave her abusive husband.
"How could she do such a thing" The lady says. "He is her husband. He has the right to beat her up if he wants to."
I tell her that I do not think that's true.
"Yes." She insists. "The husband has the right to kill if he wants to."
I want to laugh... 'Yea right, When you know that you can boss your's all you want its easy to make such statements' I think.
Then I look at her husband. He is beaming at her; next time she questions him on his personal expenditure he is going to think 'all this for a woman who thinks a husband can kill his wife if he wants to'
This is how it works! It finally hits me.
Can a marriage work with out subtle manipulations and over compensations ? No....
Do I not manipulate and over compensate for my flaws. Guilty..
Then do I have any right to judge her.. No..
Theirs is a fully functional marriage and nobody has the right to judge.
Leo Tolstoy says in Anna Karenina that all happy families are alike. I don't know about happy families but all functional marriages are not alike. (I don't think the term happy marriage is relevant anymore)
Every functional marriage will have its own way of manipulation and compensation. It will look absurd to the outside world but don't be in a haste to judge.
wisdom! wisdom!
We are having a conversation about domestic violence, about a woman who decided to leave her abusive husband.
"How could she do such a thing" The lady says. "He is her husband. He has the right to beat her up if he wants to."
I tell her that I do not think that's true.
"Yes." She insists. "The husband has the right to kill if he wants to."
I want to laugh... 'Yea right, When you know that you can boss your's all you want its easy to make such statements' I think.
Then I look at her husband. He is beaming at her; next time she questions him on his personal expenditure he is going to think 'all this for a woman who thinks a husband can kill his wife if he wants to'
This is how it works! It finally hits me.
Can a marriage work with out subtle manipulations and over compensations ? No....
Do I not manipulate and over compensate for my flaws. Guilty..
Then do I have any right to judge her.. No..
Theirs is a fully functional marriage and nobody has the right to judge.
Leo Tolstoy says in Anna Karenina that all happy families are alike. I don't know about happy families but all functional marriages are not alike. (I don't think the term happy marriage is relevant anymore)
Every functional marriage will have its own way of manipulation and compensation. It will look absurd to the outside world but don't be in a haste to judge.
wisdom! wisdom!
