Parvathamgalil manjumazha..
Thanuppinte valappottukal, thazheykku
vishudhiyute puthappu neyyaan.
 

My thoughts, they are free
To fly where they want to
To cross all the oceans
Or to find reasons
No darkness to blind them
No shackle to bind them
They fly fearless - My thoughts, they are free

No rule would deny them
No ruler would chain them
No power would hold them
No law would define them
They float on my wishes
In search of happiness
They fly fearless, My thoughts they are free

A friend sang a German folk song today, and I almost cried. Meine Liebe Damen und Herren,...Die Gedanken sind frei.

 

 

Lyrics and Translation taken from a site.

Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,
sie fliehen vorbei wie nächtliche Schatten.
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen
es bleibet dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Ich denke was ich will und was mich beglücket,
doch alles in der Still', und wie es sich schicket.
Mein Wunsch, mein Begehren kann niemand verwehren,
es bleibet dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Und sperrt man mich ein im finsteren Kerker,
das alles sind rein vergebliche Werke.
Denn meine Gedanken zerreißen die Schranken
und Mauern entzwei, die Gedanken sind frei!
Drum will ich auf immer den Sorgen entsagen
und will mich auch nimmer mit Grillen mehr plagen.
Man kann ja im Herzen stets lachen und scherzen
und denken dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Die Gedanken sind frei!

        

Thoughts are free (modern version)

Thoughts are free, who can guess them?
They flee by like nocturnal shadows.
No man can know them, no hunter can shoot them
with powder and lead: Thoughts are free!
I think what I want, and what delights me,
still always reticent, and as it is suitable.
My wish and desire, no one can deny me
and so it will always be: Thoughts are free!
And if I am thrown into the darkest dungeon,
all this would be futile work,
because my thoughts tear all gates
and walls apart: Thoughts are free!
So I will renounce my sorrows forever,
and never again will torture myself with whimsies.
In one's heart, one can always laugh and joke
and think at the same time: Thoughts are free!

 

Resonance

My heart sings with the spirit of the fading year,
In full resonace with the distant voices of cheer,
I flow like a tear drop in time.
 

From the pensieve 12

I remember my 5th birthday for 3 reasons. First of all it was the first birthday that I actually do remember (I still remember thinking that no one could tease me chiming 'Nalam vayassil nattapraanthu' anymore), secondly it was the first day of my first standard Christmas exams and last but not the least, the gifts!!! They were not extraordinary, but still they were gifts, what other day do you get a box full of lollypops all for yourself.

Though it was not a direct gift to me, this was around the time the unused store room near the kitchen was finally organized and cleaned. The junk that was in there for decades were all sorted out and Valyamma proudly arranged the aluminium boxes of grocery in the new shelves. I was very pleased with all this, as I had found a few things of interest in the junk that was thrown away, and I got an extra room to play and to hide when I don't want to be seen by anyone.

The things that caught my interest were few broken toys, I had found some old diaries in there too, but I threw them all away, as the letters had not begun to fascinate me yet. The toys, though broken and unusable, were a totally different matter. Among other remains of some lost childhood I had found a big orange wheel cart and a doll which could play an audio cassette (of course in another decade, it was all broken). It was really a good find. I spent the whole afternoon in the storeroom munching on my candy's and wondering about the child who played with such sophisticated toys.

And of course, I had the exam which I did not want to remember ever in my life. I was hardly the wonder kid people wanted me to be. School was not really my thing, I was secretly rooting for retaining my Kindergarten drop out status.

Today I turned 36, how fast the time flys. Incidentally I had an exam today. Do I want to remember it ever in my life ? Nein...

We are done with chicken pox.

 

 

 

ദിവസങ്ങൾ കൊണ്ട് എന്തെല്ലാം മാറ്റങ്ങൾ, എന്റെ ജീവിതത്തിൽ. ഈ പാടുകൾ എന്നെ പഠിപ്പിച്ചു എല്ലാം ക്ഷണികവും നശ്വരവും ആണെന്ന്. നിമിഷങ്ങൾ കൊണ്ട് നഷ്ടപ്പെടാവുന്ന പുറംകാഴ്ചയ്ക്ക് ഞാൻ എത്ര  പ്രാധാന്യം കല്പിച്ചു.
ഞാൻ വീണ്ടും പുറത്തിറങ്ങി, എന്റെ പുതിയ മുഖവുമായി. അതുമായി ഞാൻ പൊരുത്തപ്പെട്ടുകഴിഞ്ഞു. ബന്ധങ്ങൾ വെറും പുറംകാഴ്ചയിൽ നിന്ന് ഉടലെടുത്തവയല്ല  എന്ന വിശ്വാസത്തോടെ.
സമയത്തിൻറെ സാന്ത്വനത്തിൽ ഈ പാടുകൾ മാഞ്ഞുപോകും. എനിയ്ക്ക് നഷ്ടപ്പെട്ടതെല്ലാം അതോടെ തിരിച്ചുകിട്ടുമോ?

എനിയ്ക്ക് ഭയം തോന്നുന്നു. ഈ പാടുകളോട് . അവ എന്ന് പൂർണ്ണമായും മാഞ്ഞുപോകും? അതോ ഈ വിചിത്രമായ ദിവസങ്ങൾ ഓർമ്മപ്പെടുത്തുവാനായി  അവയിൽ ചിലത് ശേഷിയ്ക്കുമോ ?

 

Ever since I got sick, I've been thinking of her a lot. The wicked disease just whisked her away. She was so full of life.

  

 

The chicken pox experience

I have heard many times, that chicken pox is a mild disease, a classic childhood ailment which allows the kid to stay off school for a couple of weeks. No one had told me that its not so simple for adults. I would have then taken the shot for sure.

Well, it started off quite promising, a mild feverish feeling a couple of cute red spots, 'One week at home to work on my small project', thought I. Boy, was I wrong.

In a day I developed a high fever, that was foolishly delirious, and my whole body was covered in blisters. 

By day too, fever got worse and blisters started growing their own blisters.

Day three, I'm dreamt that I am a child bursting bubble wrappers, but actually I was breaking blisters on my head one by one.

Day four, I couldn't swallow food or open my eyes fully. I thought about the minority that developed serious complications. I cried, partly deliriously, I love my life very much, I love the laughter and the tears.

Day five, the army of blisters slowly started to recede. Or at least lost their aggressiveness.

I still look quite scary, but I am relieved that I can sit up straight.